blue_green_dream

I am finally re-employed! It took a good long while, but I've been working away since earlier this month. It's a challenging job (in a good way!) with an interesting company, and it's located in a city I like quite a bit. Best of all - it's a hybrid position. I somehow managed to get everything I wanted. And the money is good, too.

I've been moving ahead full steam with Bookcrossing and Bookcrossing Zones. I've established two so far - one at a farm stand, the other at a Family Center near me. Both are going well, I think. The Zone at the farm stand happens to be in the same town where I'm working, which means I'll be able to tend it on a fairly regular basis. The Zone at the Family Center is slightly more hands off, but the woman who runs the center seems thrilled with aseanchai and I have been able to do. (I've roped him into helping, poor thing.) The Center needed cookbooks and DIY books, so we reached out on social media and via Trash Nothing. I was FLOORED by the response. We've donated over a hundred books to them, and we have even more to give them as well. I just need to get them registered on Bookcrossing. (A project for Thursday night, perhaps - it's supposed to rain here.) While we've never asked for anything from the Center (and fortunately never needed to avail ourselves of their services), we've received both books and bread from them. The bread was given to my brother, since he has a couple of kids. The books were overflow items that had been donated by others and had to be removed to make room for the cookbooks and DIY books we brought in. We are sorting through them (some are tattered, others are DEFINITELY not family friendly); the plan is to recycle the copies that are too worn or damaged and give away or donate the ones that are not. There are a good number of kids books in the lot, and fortunately most of them are in good condition. They will be part of our Halloween treat selection.

Don't worry - we aren't total monsters. We are giving away candy, as is tradition, as well as dice left over from my previous job. We'll have mini potatoes (gotta have your Halloween potatoes!), the aforementioned books, and some packs of ramen. That last one makes me rather sad. With SNAP benefits slated to come to a halt on November 1, a West Virginia group suggested giving away shelf-stable foods to help kids and families. We got 24 packs of beef ramen; I wish we could do more. I think the plan is to have them available as a free choice, possibly mixed in with the candy and potatoes. Any ramen that isn't taken will either go to the family center or the food pantry that my aunt helps run at her church. We can afford ramen if we want it, along with a lot of just about any other food we want. It's more important than ever that we remember that and do whatever we can to help people in need. 

Of course, I say that while at the same time delighting in the fact that we're a double income home again. We did pretty well in saving money while I was unemployed, but we did have to put a few purchases on hold. Chief among these delayed purchases is a new couch. We were gifted ours by my parents, but unfortunately it is showing its age. It's uncomfortable to sit in no matter what position, and it's high time we do the adult thing and *sigh* buy proper furniture. Next up will be a new bed and mattress - that's another comfort issue, as well as a sleep quality one.

For now though, I'm going to indulge in the purchase of fancy spices, fancy beans and fancy hot chocolate. Because sometimes you just have to celebrate small successes with small joys. But before that - I'm going to help a local charity by picking up some items from one of their wish lists.

I wasn't expecting today to be particularly bad or anything, so don't let the title throw you. Still, I have to admit that things went far better than expected:

1) I had a phone screening for a new position a week or two ago. I received word this morning that they want me to come in for an in-person interview next week! The position itself is in a town near me that aseanchai and I love going to. We've already discussed meeting up for dates after work if I get the job.

2)  I had a second round interview today that went pretty well. I'm always leery about saying that an interview went well, as such statements are fairly subjective. (I don't know everything the interviewer is looking for, after all.) Still, I think I had a decent report with the person I spoke with, and I had a chance to talk at length about my experience and career goals. I'll hear back from them at some point about whether I am headed for a third round.

3) I got an email this evening stating that I'd been randomly selected for a six month paid subscription to Dreamwidth! I was genuinely surprised about this, to the point that I didn't click the links in the email in the off chance that it was a scam. But low and behold, I now have slots for 150 icons and a bunch of other features. I'll need to see if/how I want to use all of said features, but I'm sure there are plenty of good things I can do with them. The subscription lasts until February, and I will probably re-up if I have a job by then. It's less about the features for me than supporting Dreamwidth itself. They're fighting the good fight against censorship and providing an alternative to Big Social, but they can only do that if they get enough revenue.

And don't worry - I'll make sure to pay that subscription forward and then some.

4) It looks like Bookcrossing may be taking off. I happened to go to the Go Hunting page on the site to see if I could find any books released near me, and I was surprised to see that the US was second only to Germany in the number of releases over the past three days. (We're usually third or fourth.) It was also cool to see that releases seem to be increasing among a broad range of states, as there are usually only a handful of states with recent releases at one time. That's no bad thing, in my opinion. Keep circulating the tapes books!

I wanted to do a bit more work on my community, but it's later than I'd hoped. There's always time tomorrow, I suppose.

I tend not to talk about my health, wellness and weight loss efforts. Part of this is because I have my own issues and hangups about this topic, thanks to living through both 90s and 2000s diet culture. Part of this is because I know other people often do, and I don't want to inadvertently upset or trigger anyone by discussing what is often a fraught subject.

In saying that, I have a small victory that I would like to discuss and celebrate. I'll put it behind a cut so those that wish to skip it may do so.

( Progress, Not Perfection )

That's the big news for the day. Now, off to relax a bit before bed.

Where last we left, I was dealing with being laid off and the uncertainty that comes from job loss. I'm still jobless, but I'm surprisingly unbothered by it. Perhaps not unbothered, but surprisingly Zen. I know that this condition can't last indefinitely; money is important, and unemployment won't last forever. But unlike the last time I was laid off from a job I adored, I no longer feel the crushing pressure to find something, anything that will bring in cash. (Not yet, anyway.) My main frustration at the moment is that I can't freelance. I am at a point in my life and career that I'll no longer work for exposure - are publishers still running that scam? - but I can't bring in any sort of income while I'm receiving unemployment. I did that years ago, assuming that the fine folks at the unemployment office would understand that the occasional $50 check for a small newspaper article did not a job make. I learned my lesson on that one, which is why I now spend a good amount of time being frustrated that I can't rebuild my portfolio. 

So, what to do in the meantime? I've been trying to figure that out. aseanchai have joined our local chapter of the Izaak Walton League, so I can at least put my marketing skills to work there. They need help boosting the local chapter, handling their social media accounts and publicizing their events. I'm excited about helping with that, especially since I believe strongly in the mission of the League. I learned recently that younger people are showing less interest (and a disconnect) in nature words, which most likely signals an overall disconnect with the natural world. That's something that worries me in an era of habitat loss, climate change, and mental health crises like anxiety and depression. Getting people out in nature can help with all three of those issues, so I want to do my part. 

In addition to that, I've also rekindled my love for reading thanks to Bookcrossing. I managed to start a new Official Bookcrossing Zone in my area; my plan is to visit it once a month to refresh and restock the available titles. This doesn't lend itself to inclusion on a resume, but I do hope it helps inspire people and give them some respite from The Horrors, for there are many.

In addition to escaping into books, I've also started a daily meditation practice to help with stress. I discovered Natural Stress Relief while researching Transcendental Meditation; I became interested in the latter after watching a David Lynch documentary about the subject on YouTube. I'd heard mixed things about TM - everything from concerns about the cost to allegations of cult-like practices - but I was mainly concerned that the cost and my location would lead to serious barriers to entry. Natural Stress Relief was apparently created/founded by a former TM teacher, and I seem to be having some good results with the practice overall. It's a shame that the website looks as shady as it does, because it is legitimate even though it looks like something from 1998. Don't judge a book by its cover and all that.

***

I'm currently watching a YouTube video about jailbreaking your Kindle. YouTube has started serving up some interesting videos recently, including content about the indie web and "analog toolkits for digital addicts." (I haven't watched the latter one yet.) I'll admit that I'm tempted to try my hand at building a website, since it would be yet another thing to add to my resume. Coding intimidates the hell out of me, I must admit, but so did crochet when I first started.

***

One thing I wish I could do at the moment is either join or create a community here on Dreamwidth where people could share information on resiliency as we face whatever it is that comes next. I tried putting together a Discord community for such a purpose, but it went effectively silent after a while. I eventually shut it down to avoid bots or hackers getting to it, but I can't help but feel that there is and will be a need for such a thing. If any of you know of such a group, please tell me. And if you think it would be useful to get one started, let me know.

How often do I think about Ancient Rome? Not very.

I do think about Dark Ages Britain, though. I think about it a lot. Especially recently.

The story goes that in 410, the Emperor Honorius wrote to the British Romans, telling them to, "look to their own defense." An actual letter may never have existed, and a formal declaration may not have been said, but the fact remains that Rome could no longer provide defensive resources to a far flung island at the edge of the empire that necessitated an ocean crossing to reach. Troops were needed closer to home, and the Empire could no longer afford to defend all of its citizens or maintain their infrastructure for them. The Church remained, true. But even the Catholic Church couldn't field armies or build roads. (Not yet, anyway.) The people were, for all practical purposes, on their own.

This wasn't an abrupt change. Thousands of Romano-British citizens didn't wake up one day to someone knocking on their door, saying, "Look, we've got to go. The money's run out, you see. Shame we can't help with the upkeep, but you know how it is. Take care of things while we're gone, eh?" This was a slow process, an inexorable ebbing of a tide that was probably imperceptible until it wasn't. People being people, I imagine that there were a lot of conversation and debate about what was going on or even how it couldn't possibly be happening.

"Rome would never abandon us! Their power stretches from Hispania to Palmyra! Their wealth and power are unlimited!"

But there had to be others who saw the writing on the wall and knew that denial, appeals to precedent or paralyzing indecision would not stop the inevitable. We know this because The Dark Ages exist. We have archeological evidence that people continued to survive and maintained a certain degree of order, culture, and stability despite being abandoned by their former overlords. True, we don't know a ton about The Dark Ages, but we know that the island that is Britain didn't suddenly depopulate once Rome left. There was plenty of conflict as warlords fought over petty kingdoms, but at least some of the common people thought ahead, imagining the worst possible scenarios and working backwards from there to prepare themselves for as many scenarios as possible. They managed to function despite the fact that they were very much On Their Own™.

I've been thinking about that a lot. Being On Our Own™.

Whatever is coming, we know it's going to be bad. (This essay sums up my feelings on the matter, so I won't waste time rehashing things.) Granted, we have the benefit of knowing it's going to be bad — there will be no naive appeals to optimism and better angels this time around — but the scale of badness has yet to be determined. I'm neither a political theorist nor a particularly good prognosticator, but I do feel more secure when I look at a situation, carry it to it's most pessimistic extreme, and then assume that's the situation I'll be facing in the future. I started doing this when I was caught completely flat-footed by the Great Recession and watched a career I loved and the independence I craved disappear in a matter of 72 hours. (There are few things more humiliating than being forced to move back home to a family that says, "We told you so," at every available opportunity, but I digress.) The approach has served me well. After all, you can always pull back if things aren't as dire as you thought they'd be. But if you're not at least psychologically prepared for the worst to come to pass, well...

So, the Worst Case. The Worst Case will vary depending on where you live and what your circumstances are, but generally speaking, I'm guessing it would probably be a wholesale disinvestment in institutions that many of us take for granted. One of the rallying cries I've seen bandied about by the Very Online Left is that, "We keep us safe." In the interest of gaming out the Worst Case, I will take their slogan at face value. The Worst Case is existing in a sociopolitical structure that is actively hostile to life for all except an upper echelon of Keys To Power. This will be exacerbated by a segment of the populace that would gleefully hunt "inferiors" for sport if they could get away with it. We're already seeing whole scale hostility toward virtues like empathy, kindness and humility, driven by the dopamine rush of rapid fire social media and the pervasiveness of influencer grifters that push their followers to be crueler, pettier, more vapid, more obsessed with material possessions and subscriptions to services to Anxiety Engines and animated emojis.

We must keep us safe. Also healthy, educated, clothed, housed, sane, and happy.

I became something of a Sparkling Disaster sommelier back during the Great Recession, mostly because I had to be. My Worst Case Scenario then was the very real possibility that I would have to support aseanchai , if I was lucky enough to marry him at all due to the twin barriers of money and bureaucracy. There was talk at that time that this Great Recession would continue to metastasize into something far worse, and that we'd have to lean on the lessons of our elders to ride out an economy that would make the Great Depression look like a period of relative prosperity. People coped with it in different ways, though mine was to look at examples of self-sufficiency and drop-out culture to see what I could make of it. I bought books and magazines about off-grid living and homesteading. I taught myself to cook and preserve. I read the excellent Possum Living cover to cover multiple times, asking what lessons I could take from it immediately and which I could work toward long term. I spoke to people I trusted about the need to prepare for this future, this time when we would have to rely on ourselves rather than steady paychecks or pension plans. No one wanted to hear it, so I kept my newfound interests and theories to myself. Eventually the storm passed, but I emerged slightly more prepared for the next time we'd be left On Our Own™.

I'm not an expert in survivalism or backwoods living. I'm keenly aware that I am not as prepared as I'd like to be for the upcoming Worst Case Scenario, for the Sparkling Disaster that will likely come to pass. But I am slightly more prepared than I was the last time those in power apologized for the inconvenience and quietly left us to our own devices. It's a continuing ebb in my neck of the woods, this semi-rural Rust Belt enclave where I consider myself lucky that my Worst Case Scenarios come as the occasional rogue wave, rather than a multi-generational drowning flood. I have family and resources, but it pays to be ready. Life can change in an instant. I've seen that happen.

Whatever is coming is uniquely bad, and the only thing we will each be able to control is our reaction to it. We must ask ourselves what we're doing to stay as healthy as possible, how we plan to care for our families and communities, and what skills we're suited for that can become sources of income or barter if the bottom falls out of it all. We need to be prepared to take on roles in a game that we may not be keen to play, but that we must engage in regardless. We must be ready to stay alive and keep others alive, as well as cared for in all the ways that matter. We must be ready for Rome to retreat into dysfunction, and to keep flourishing if another Dark Age descends upon us. Most of all, we must be ready and willing to build something better, even if it can only be a better version of ourselves. That may mean finding common cause with people you disagree with, or with organizations that don't reflect your beliefs. As long as those organizations aren't in the business of actively harming the vulnerable, so be it. We can no longer be in the business of purity tests and hot takes and dunking and ideological righteousness. We must now be in the business of preserving life in all its forms, human and beyond.

We will very soon be On Our Own™. But we can be together in our abandonment. And we can build something better in its wake.

I used to do New Year's Resolutions, but I don't anymore. I've found that Yearly Themes work better for me. This year's theme is Taking Care - taking care of my friends and family, taking care of myself. I'll need to do so in the weeks, months, and years ahead. I spent 2016 to 2020 in a state of constant panic, then spent 2020 to 2024 trying to figure out how to crawl out of the cycle of panic attacks, exhaustion, overwork, burnout, rinse/repeat. While I have some ideas of what lies in store in the four years ahead, I have learned that I can't panic at every headline and try to put out every fire. I drove myself to some dark places last time around, and the physical toll was starting to wear on me toward the end. I need to figure out how to find balance. Most of all, I need to learn how to take care of myself. It's not a skill that comes easily, nor was it a skill taught to me when I was young.

I'm going to try to write here more often, though I'm not going to put pressure on myself to write long, pithy essays or witty aphorisms. I'm just going to get some thoughts down and (maybe) make some like-minded friends. Maybe some of them will even be local to me so we could potentially meet in person. What a concept!

Projects: I'm almost done with my third (or maybe fourth?) scarf for donation. I was originally going to give them to Canton Food Not Bombs, but I have no idea if I can get down to one of their drop-off points. I'm hoping that someone at Akron Food Not Bombs could get them down there for me. Of course, this will necessitate a meeting or driving to another drop-off point, since I don't yet have any direct contacts with them. Sometimes living semi-rural sucks.

Incidentally, Akron Food Not Bombs is holding a benefit concert on February 15. You may want to check it out if you're in the area.

Esotericism: I'm trying to learn tarot, partially as a psychological/philosophical exercise, and partially so I can get better at understanding symbolism and how it relates to me and my subconscious. I keep pulling The Emperor. I also keep pulling The Wolf from my Druid Animal Oracle cards. I cannot for the life of me figure out what it's supposed to mean. It could be coincidence, but it'd be an odd one with the amount of times it's happened.

Hopes: I'll be traveling a lot for work this year (same as last year), but I'm hoping aseanchai and I can get away and enjoy ourselves too. A trip to the mountains could be nice, though I'm not sure where we'll end up.

People are fleeing Big Social for places like Bluesky. I'm hoping more people come here. It'd be great to rebuild some of the community I had on LiveJournal back in the day. At the risk of sounding like a cantankerous old person, social blogging was way better than Facebook and Twitter ever were.

Frustrations: aseanchai and I have started working with a personal trainer. It includes a diet plan. We're only a week in, but my brain is already rebelling, getting resentful of the fact that in order for this to work, I'll have to give up a ton of stuff I enjoy, including a certain degree of spontaneity and more than a few comfort foods. I know I need to trust the process. It's just infuriating.

There's a trend on Bluesky of people replacing doomscrolling with crafting and other hobbies. I need to curb my own tendency to doomscroll, so hopefully you'll see more of me on here. It seems to help.

Current book: As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of the Princess Bride

First, the 2024 Activism Report.

• aseanchai and I have written 20 voter registration postcards with Field Team 6 this week. That's 20 postcards so far this year.
• I've made four scarves to donate so far this year. Three are packed and ready to be sent to East Kentucky Mutual Aid. The fourth will be donated to either Re-Member or Knit the Rainbow.

( Of communities, goals and gym memberships )

I am involved in numerous TTRPGs, and all of them are on temporary hiatus because people are on vacation. How am I supposed to cope with this? 

The August Special Election in Ohio is bearing down on us, and for once I'm heartened by what I've seen. We're usually ignored by national voting organizations, but that hasn't been the case this time around. Field Team 6, Blue Wave Postcard Movement and Vote Forward have all run voter registration and GOTV campaigns in preparation for this moment. I have already done work for the first two; I plan to continue my work with BWPM for their Phase 2 program (GOTV postcards) and also do as many Vote Forward letters as possible. This election is vital - if Issue 1 passes, it will permanently eliminate our ability to amend the Ohio constitution with a simple majority. I'm not fond of minority rule, and neither is aseanchai . This will be his first election as an American citizen. He is very excited to make his voice heard.

I've been involved in "postal activism" since early 2017. Writing letters and postcards to voters is perfect for me - I can do it on my own schedule, and it's a great option if you're introverted like I am. I've found a bunch of opportunities via the Reddit community VoteDEM, which is a great place to learn more about candidates and volunteer opportunities. The general vibe of the place reminds me a bit of some of the old LiveJournal communities that were dedicated to political discourse. I had hoped to find similar communities here on Dreamwidth, but unfortunately the political communities I've come across here seem to have been abandoned. I don't really have the time to moderate a community on my own, though I wish I did. There are undoubtedly people on this site who know what's at stake. If even a handful of them got involved in volunteer efforts, it could make a huge difference.

In other news, aseanchai and I need a new couch. Our current one isn't doing us any favors. aseanchai is going to take a look at ways that we can save money toward that goal; while we're doing fine money-wise, we also don't want to dip into our savings if we can avoid it. I guess this means that I'll need to come up with more one page RPG ideas for our Itch page and learn how to use RPG Maker MV. It's easier to save if you have some extra cash coming in.

My neighborhood sounds like a war zone at the moment. aseanchai and I were talking tonight about donating to our local animal shelter for every booming blast, since more animals run away during the 4th of July holiday than any other time of the year. Well-meaning individuals have been trying to point this out on our community's Facebook page, only to get shouted down and harassed by every free-dum loving yee haw redneck that happens to see the post. The explosions started last weekend and probably won't stop for at least two more weeks. Our donation to the shelter will eventually reach infinity dollars.

I really shouldn't be upset about this, or at least not as upset as I am. Still, it's hard not to be. We live in an area with lots of wildlife, including sandhill cranes and bald eagles, not to mention plenty of pets. But it's the same every year, and not just for 4th of July. Living by a lake means we have a tourist season, though I've taken to calling it, "drinking season." People with summer homes descend on us starting on Memorial Day weekend and bring their loud vehicles, too-big boats and bad manners with them. In other words, we're invaded by people suffering from Main Character Syndrome. It can be exhausting. Literally, in the case of amateur pyrotechnics that last long into the night.

Maybe part of the reason why I'm so upset by this hyper-individualist assault is because I've been playing tons of TTRPGs recently with aseanchai , snakebitcat , and a bunch of other people I can't link to because they aren't on here. (Yet.) It sounds strange, but the collaborative environment of TTRPGs will start to shift your perspective over time. The best games don't feature on one person — everyone gets some "screen time," as it were, and the plot usually involves all of the party members working together to solve a complex problem. If you put yourself into that sort of environment on a regular basis, it can color your perception of how the world should be. We should work together. We should consider the needs of the group in addition to our own. We should look out for vulnerable people and seek to help them. (And in this case, "people," refers to all members of the ecosystem, including animals, plants, etc.) All of us should be trying to integrate that kind of everyday heroism into our lives, especially since it seems that most of the populace would rather gargle shattered glass. Someone has to turn this world of ours around. It may as well be us.

Maybe our upcoming game will give me even more inspiration. I can't wait to get started.

Four good things that have happened:

1) aseanchai and I have been writing GOTV postcards for years now. This year, we wanted to dedicate some time to Field Team 6's program that lets you register voters via postcard. To that end, we wrote 100 cards to register voters in Ohio, then switched over to another project. The idea was that we would switch things up to avoid boredom, then go back to helping out our home state. There were over 900 postcards left when we went on hiatus; when I looked yesterday, they were all gone. It's good to know that we're not the only ones out there doing the work!

2) Last week, a beloved local chef told the community that he had to shut down his family-owned restaurant due to a cancer diagnosis. His last day was supposed to be August 27, but he's recently shared an update! A local restaurant group is going to work with him to keep the restaurant open during his treatment, and he'll be able to rejoin the kitchen when his treatment and recovery are complete. aseanchai and I are very happy about this, because this chef was the same one who catered our wedding reception on fairly short notice. He's a good person who has had a rough few years (his restaurant opened in 2020), so it's nice to see him get a lucky break.

3) A friend introduced me to Galactic Journey; I joined their Discord server and got to watch some original Star Trek on Wednesday night. The people there are nice and some of them are writers, which is a good thing for aseanchai  and I (but mostly aseanchai ). Hopefully we can make new friends and even get some leads on publishing fiction.

4) I'm rediscovering the joy of finding journal icons. I've never been any good at making them, but fortunately Dreamwidth has a bevvy of icon communities. It's strange, though - back in my 20s I was a big fan of icons featuring pop culture characters and celebrities, but these days I have trouble finding icons that feel like "me," if that makes sense. In saying that, I did grab an icon featuring an annoyed-looking Thranduil from The Hobbit. It was too good to pass up.

I've been doing what I can to get the word out about the Trek Federation's donation and supply drive for Eastern Kentucky flood victims. I've only really been able to post on Twitter - I haven't heard back from the mods on the Star Trek subreddit, and I'm not an administrator on  the Federation's Facebook page yet. I worry that I'm not as good at promotion as the founder may have hoped. From what I can tell, no one new has donated to the GoFundMe, and no one has purchased anything from the wish list since last week. There's a part of me that knows it's not my fault; you can tell people that help is needed, but you can't compel them to participate. At the same time, I can't help but take it personally. Most of all, I worry about the people down there who need the rest of us to rally around them. Clean-up is going to take months, if not years. I worry that all it's taken is a few weeks for most people to forget all about them. We'll see what happens, I suppose.