blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
So I guess Steven Spielberg has fallen under the sway of AI. This shouldn't come as too much of a surprise — his buddy Marty is also a fan, and his bestest best friend George thinks its "inevitable." All of this is happening against a backdrop in which movies and TV are continuously recycling the same handful of IPs, every major studio terrified that stepping outside of the Star-Wars-Game-of-Thrones-Marvel-DC-Hunger-Games-Harry-Potter-Lord-of-the-Rings-Based-On-Those-Toys-You-Liked-As-A-Kid circle jerk will lose money for The Investors, because the ultimate goal of any true Hollywood auteur is upholding shareholder primacy.

Now, this trend isn't exclusive to Hollywood. It has seeped into other areas of popular culture, from AI-created pop songs to re-re-recycled musicals, most of which seem to be worn retreads of movies or insipid attempts to slap threadbare plots on a rock band's back catalog. (We've already seen a musical cobbled together from 80s hair metal standards; I can only assume that it's only a matter of time until we get a Taylor Swift or Chappell Roan take on the same tissue paper thin premise.) Most people don't seem to care about this dearth of artistic integrity and basic quality control, which is particularly exhausting for those of us who do. Your average citizen is happy to consume whatever grey pop culture slop is placed in front of them, and is quick to point out that each decade has been full of bad art produced to make a quick buck. Which is true, except that even a lot of the bad stuff of yesteryear is at least interesting in hindsight. Most of the bad stuff these days is offensive not because it's bad, but because it's bland. The grifters of decades past at least had the decency to funnel their cash grabs through naive and misguided dreamers. These days they merely drag out faded logos, slap them on products and wait for us to waddle forward with cash in hand. The other strategy is to tout dull, soulless, computer generated pablum as exciting and cutting edge, which seemingly has the same effect. Their Madame Cash Grab is naked, and the public is left with two options: pretending that the lady is wearing haute couture and taking her out for the evening, or decrying her appearance while she entertains us anyway. After all, what else are we going to do? Give into boredom?

To which I say: Why not cancel the date entirely and find something better to do?

In the 1993 album/multimedia presentation Alien Dreamtime, the ethnobotanist, lecturer, and author Terence McKenna opens his multi-part lecture with the statement, "History is ending, because the dominator culture has led the human species into a blind alley. And as the inevitable chaostrophe approaches, people look for metaphors and answers. Every time a culture gets into trouble, it casts itself back into the past looking for the last sane moment it ever knew." While McKenna was discussing far broader issues than the stagnation of pop culture, I think his words (and indeed the rest of his Alien Dreamtime lecture) remain incredibly prescient. Our current cultural paradigm has turned out to be a blind alley, a dead end road driven by consumerism rather than creativity. Western pop culture is in many ways enthralled and enslaved by intellectual property; creators are constantly told to consider marketability and profitability over originality. The result is a collective unconscious that looks like overworked and underfertilized cropland. We've gone beyond trying and failing to grow new things. We're now actively afraid to even attempt it.

The answer isn't to keep plowing. It's to find new fields all together.

Escapism is understandable these days. It's desirable. It's required, in many ways, given the utter horrors that surround us on a daily basis. (Getting away from screens will only do so much if people will go out of their way to tell you about the innumerable fresh hells being churned out by the Epstein class ever hour on the hour.) Arbiters of taste will tell you that the only mode of escape is through the popular zeitgeist, but why should we keep listening to them? Because we're afraid of looking out of step? Because we lack other means of relating to our fellow humans? Or is it because we think that art and culture are things that are dictated to us, rather than that which we create ourselves? 

We can, in fact, turn away from Big Culture. The ways of doing so are myriad. The British zine Peasant documents individuals who are reviving and reinventing Morris dancing, turning what was once a hobby reserved for white men into one that is multicultural, gender inclusive and queer. Bandcamp is home to major label artists, but they are the minority on a site that features millions of songs from artists experimenting in a dizzying array of subgenres (and occasionally sub-sub-subgenres). Indie web developers are separating themselves from Big Social and carving out a vibrant niche outside the algorithmic conveyor belt. I'm sure there are many, many more groups out there who are engaged in similar counter-cultural endeavors. The point is that we can starve the beast, and we can do so without going completely mad from boredom or mental anguish. To quote a criminally underrated show from the 90s, "If the movie stinks, just don't go." Instead, spend that time creating something that brings you tangible joy, rather than a fleeting moment of mere hollow enjoyment. Let Hollywood, Broadway and other entertainment industrial complexes collapse under the weight of plagiarism machines and quarterly earnings reports. We can create for our friends and for ourselves. A thousand years of human history can't be wrong.

What would it look like to have a world in which people wrote stories for friends, rather than going with them to watch stories written in board rooms? What would it be like to perform original works in living rooms and backyards, rather than seeing a live show based on an animated movie adapted into a musical adapted into a live action film? What would it be like if art of all stripes was once again driven by the joy of sharing your creation, rather than the need to add extra zeros to a financial report?

The future of entertainment is still unwritten. So we get to decide what that means. But only if we have the metaphorical balls to walk away from what they say it will be.
blue_green_dream: A cartoon man sits at a desk with a typewriter, proclaiming, "I'm a riter!" (I'm a riter)
I'll admit that I have not read Magnifica Humanitas yet. It is a massive work (that's a very Catholic thing) that seems to be generating hot takes from every subculture in every corner of the Internet (which is a very Internet thing). I have, however, seen a lot of pull quotes from Pope Leo XIV's first major work, as well a lot of mostly good commentary on it. It's given me a lot to think about, and a lot to reflect on.

Namely, that I need to suck it up and make some real life friends.

I realize that statement may give you a false impression of my patheticness, so let me back up and explain.

I do, in fact, have friends. Some are family friends — people who have been in my life for so long that they've always been there, acting as extended family. Some are peers from my high school and college years or former jobs, those "in the trenches" friends you make when transitioning into your adult life or slogging away in stifling, dead-end employment. But I've always had trouble finding people in my part of the world who have the same combination of varied interests and general oddball tendencies as I do. I dreaded moving home after college because of this; I'd managed to find my tribe over the course of those four years, and now circumstance compelled me to move back to a suburb so bland and conformist that I referred to it as Stepford. The Internet was a lifeline for me in those days. It allowed me to keep up with my college friends via LiveJournal, and over time I met more people there through journals and communities. (I would later meet [personal profile] aseanchai  via Internet forums, but that's another story.) However, these were still in the days of the earlier Internet, when parents, professors, and pundits alike warned against providing personal details to anyone you didn't already know. I was careful in that regard, so I never met these LJ friends in person. But that didn't matter — I was desperate for connection, and I'd managed to find it.

This is a trend that has continued through today. I still live in the same area, and I've watched it go from stultifying to...well, changing slowly. A tabletop gaming store and an independent bookstore opened in one nearby town; a gaming cafe opened in another. All of these establishments have brought with them a clientele whose interests align with mine in theory, but buying products doesn't build a community. Don't get me wrong — I love all of these establishments, as well as the other small businesses I see popping up all over the place. I love hearing about their successes, and I'd hate to see them go belly up. But buying products alongside other people doesn't help you make friends; striking up conversation with people is a possibility, but there's no guarantee that you'll ever see that person again, even if you're a frequent patron. 

Meanwhile, I've found myself being less excited and invigorated by online gatherings and discourse. Blogging gave way to social media, a form of communication that rewarded quips and rage. (Vlogging arguably made this trend even worse.) I value the friendships I've made online over the years, but I've come to realize that a lack of personal contact can add friction and a strange sort of barrier to the interpersonal relationship. Tone can be hard to read via text, and context is easily lost in a world of endless scrolling and short attention spans. It could be that I'm just getting old, but I don't think so. It feels more like a shift that's long overdue, at least for me.

What does all of this have to do with the papal encyclical that is taking the world by storm? While the initial chatter was about Leo XIV quoting Gandalf (BREAKING NEWS: The Pope is a big nerd), it seems that people are now examining the meat of the work itself and finding that provides answers to a lot of the anxieties that are plaguing many of us at this time in history. People seem eager to take its arguments seriously, even if the memes have all been pretty absurd (in a good way).

Pope Leo stresses again and again that technology is not a substitute for genuine human connection, and that humans cannot and should not be replaced or even temporarily sidelined in favor of machines, especially when it's at the service of efficiency without discernment or conscience. This is likely to piss off tech bros, but I've been struck by the fact that most of the reaction to Magnifica Humanitas has been positive. It's not every day that you have Protestants, much less people of other faiths or no faith, agreeing with the bishop of Rome. Why? Each person has their reasons, but I think it mostly comes down to the same thing  — a desire for genuine connection, and a realization that the Internet has not only not lived up to that promise, but may actively be driving individuals apart. I'm not worried that people won't heed the arguments presented in this encyclical. My worry is that people will want to find ways to put the encyclical's pronouncements into practice, then realize that they have no idea how to start. There are some great articles out there from left-leaning Catholic publications — this one from the National Catholic Reporter is very good — but the issues raised in Magnifica Humanitas are not confined to a specific denomination or religion. Ultimately, we will all need to confront the issues of AI, digital manipulation, modern warfare and human suffering on our own terms and within our own moral frameworks.

This brings me back to my original thesis. I was raised Catholic and am not currently practicing, but Magnifica Humanitas has given me a renewed desire to break away from the digital world and redouble my efforts to make friends where I am and as I am. This doesn't mean abandoning the digital friends I've made along the way, but it does mean I'll probably have to put my phone down more often. I'll need to be okay with being the weird one again, with all of the awkwardness that may ensue. I may even need to learn how to bake a pie or two, or three, or ten. (Maybe bread works? I'm better with bread.) I harbor no illusions that this is going to make any great strike against our tech overlords, but it will get me out of the house a bit more. And I will learn some new skills and polish old ones, which can only be a good thing. Better to follow a leader who encourages you to meet your neighbors, rather than one who encourages you to invest in obvious AI crypto scams. And besides, our tabletop game collection isn't going to play itself.

Long live the fighters*, I suppose. Though I must say that I'm glad that my biggest battle will be getting away from screens.

*Yes, I'm fully aware that one of the themes of Dune is that one shouldn't blindly follow messianic leaders. It's still a cool scene. Let me have this one. 

blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
I have thoughts about all of this, but unfortunately I am too tired to put them into a coherent essay at the moment. Hopefully I can put something together in the next few days.

In the meantime, consider this: If we are in a figurative crusade against AI, then personal blogging (here on Dreamwidth and elsewhere) could be a great way to strike back in a small way against our AI overlords. Gen Z and Gen Alpha are all about more analog experiences, right? We need to bring them here to learn what real social media is like.

Remind me to re-up my membership, by the way. I've been working long enough now that I think I've got something pretty steady going on.
blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
I was cruising around on Bluesky today when I found out that Kickstarter had briefly jumped on the adult content banwagon before creator outcry led them to backtrack and issue an apology. This follows on the heels of Itch.io blocking adult-oriented content due to major payment processors threatening to revoke Itch's access. Apparently a lot of this has to do with some sort of campaign or conservative front out of Australia. A lot of people are upset about this for a multitude of reasons, and rightly so. But the conversation about payment processors acting as de facto censorship boards has me wondering if there are other alternatives. After all, what if Mastercard, Visa, banks and other payment processors decide that they don't want people buying books from PM Press or listening to the likes of Neckbeard Deathcamp? How do we buy and sell goods without sending digital inputs over digital signals to pay with digital money?

Then I remembered that we had the answer to this question back in the early 2000s. 

I was first clued in to Gothic Auctions by a college friend, who recommended it to me after I lamented that my attempts to sell items on eBay. The site was exactly what was on the tin — an auction site created by goths who wanted a place to sell gently used items that appealed to other goths. But despite the name, GA wasn't just a place to sell niche fashion or media. You could list just about anything, and it often sold in short order. (I was amazed when the pair of used, forest green Chuck Taylors that I listed received bids within hours of being listed, rather than sitting neglected like they did on eBay.) Buyers were easy to work with in my experience, as were sellers. There were forums where people discussed things like music, movies and fashion, but they were also used to warn about unscrupulous users, scam artists and other dangers to the community. (Bad actors tended to be dealt with swiftly.) And since these were in the days before Stripe, Apple Pay and other plug-and-play options, GA users had to get creative when sending or receiving money. I remember reading more than a few listings in which the seller stated that they took, "PayPal, check, money order, or well disguised cash," as payment.

While I'm sure that the site wasn't perfect, as no site is, I still have fond memories of it. I was never able or allowed to be part of the subculture, living as I did with strict parents in a suburb so conformist that I refer to it as Stepford. However, the users of GA were kind and welcoming, caring less about whether I was part of their subculture and more about whether I was honest with my listings and USPS shipping info. I think the site eventually disappeared due to...well, probably due to the same reasons so many other independent sites went under with the rise of Big Social. 

It's a damn shame, to be honest. GA was an excellent model of what an ecommerce site could be as long as the userbase trusted each other enough. It would be incredible to see something like that come back today, both as a middle finger to censorship and as a community building exercise. I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why it couldn't work today, especially when you throw the logistics of digital content into the mix, but it's nice to dream. Who knows — maybe the indie web will surprise me. Maybe Gen Z and Gen Alpha will rebuild something similar. Maybe people will once again be able to buy things as mundane as Chuck Taylors and as exotic as...well, some of the things you could buy on Gothic Auctions. An elder millennial can dream, right?

They should keep the old layout, though. It was beautiful and perfect in its simplicity.
blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
If you're a fan of history, archival TV footage, or Slow TV, check out the BBC Archive channel on YouTube. It features shows about an array of subjects, including hobbies, sports, travel, nature, and unique places across Britain. I'm watching a program about the Shetland Islands right now.

BBC Archive - YouTube 
blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
I am finally re-employed! It took a good long while, but I've been working away since earlier this month. It's a challenging job (in a good way!) with an interesting company, and it's located in a city I like quite a bit. Best of all - it's a hybrid position. I somehow managed to get everything I wanted. And the money is good, too.

I've been moving ahead full steam with Bookcrossing and Bookcrossing Zones. I've established two so far - one at a farm stand, the other at a Family Center near me. Both are going well, I think. The Zone at the farm stand happens to be in the same town where I'm working, which means I'll be able to tend it on a fairly regular basis. The Zone at the Family Center is slightly more hands off, but the woman who runs the center seems thrilled with [personal profile] aseanchai and I have been able to do. (I've roped him into helping, poor thing.) The Center needed cookbooks and DIY books, so we reached out on social media and via Trash Nothing. I was FLOORED by the response. We've donated over a hundred books to them, and we have even more to give them as well. I just need to get them registered on Bookcrossing. (A project for Thursday night, perhaps - it's supposed to rain here.) While we've never asked for anything from the Center (and fortunately never needed to avail ourselves of their services), we've received both books and bread from them. The bread was given to my brother, since he has a couple of kids. The books were overflow items that had been donated by others and had to be removed to make room for the cookbooks and DIY books we brought in. We are sorting through them (some are tattered, others are DEFINITELY not family friendly); the plan is to recycle the copies that are too worn or damaged and give away or donate the ones that are not. There are a good number of kids books in the lot, and fortunately most of them are in good condition. They will be part of our Halloween treat selection.

Don't worry - we aren't total monsters. We are giving away candy, as is tradition, as well as dice left over from my previous job. We'll have mini potatoes (gotta have your Halloween potatoes!), the aforementioned books, and some packs of ramen. That last one makes me rather sad. With SNAP benefits slated to come to a halt on November 1, a West Virginia group suggested giving away shelf-stable foods to help kids and families. We got 24 packs of beef ramen; I wish we could do more. I think the plan is to have them available as a free choice, possibly mixed in with the candy and potatoes. Any ramen that isn't taken will either go to the family center or the food pantry that my aunt helps run at her church. We can afford ramen if we want it, along with a lot of just about any other food we want. It's more important than ever that we remember that and do whatever we can to help people in need. 

Of course, I say that while at the same time delighting in the fact that we're a double income home again. We did pretty well in saving money while I was unemployed, but we did have to put a few purchases on hold. Chief among these delayed purchases is a new couch. We were gifted ours by my parents, but unfortunately it is showing its age. It's uncomfortable to sit in no matter what position, and it's high time we do the adult thing and *sigh* buy proper furniture. Next up will be a new bed and mattress - that's another comfort issue, as well as a sleep quality one.

For now though, I'm going to indulge in the purchase of fancy spices, fancy beans and fancy hot chocolate. Because sometimes you just have to celebrate small successes with small joys. But before that - I'm going to help a local charity by picking up some items from one of their wish lists.
blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
Headline: F.D.A. Approves Covid Shots With New Restrictions

Per the article, the vaccine will be restricted to those over the age of 65 and people with, "at least one underlying medical condition that put them at risk for severe disease," according to the article.

There's still a lot of uncertainty regarding how this will affect patients, especially since several medical groups oppose the FDA's new rules. It may also be possible that providers could give patients the vaccine off-label, though that would likely mean it wouldn't be covered by insurance.

I'm not a doctor and don't work in the medical field in any capacity, so I would contact your doctor or local health department to get answers to any questions you may have. In the meantime, do what you can to limit your exposure as much as possible, keep your hands clean (and away from your face) and consider investing in good quality masks. [personal profile] aseanchai and I used to purchase good quality disposables from BonaFideMasks.com for conventions, and we were seriously considering investing in Flo Masks on the recommendation of a co-worker before I was laid off. You may wish to consider masking as well, especially if you're in a public-facing position or live in a population dense area. We still have some of our disposable masks to tide us over in the meantime, so that's something.

I often joke that my parents should have named me Cassandra, since I seem to have a knack for being mocked for my predictions only to have them come true. I hate it when I'm right, but here we are.
blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
I wasn't expecting today to be particularly bad or anything, so don't let the title throw you. Still, I have to admit that things went far better than expected:

1) I had a phone screening for a new position a week or two ago. I received word this morning that they want me to come in for an in-person interview next week! The position itself is in a town near me that [personal profile] aseanchai and I love going to. We've already discussed meeting up for dates after work if I get the job.

2)  I had a second round interview today that went pretty well. I'm always leery about saying that an interview went well, as such statements are fairly subjective. (I don't know everything the interviewer is looking for, after all.) Still, I think I had a decent report with the person I spoke with, and I had a chance to talk at length about my experience and career goals. I'll hear back from them at some point about whether I am headed for a third round.

3) I got an email this evening stating that I'd been randomly selected for a six month paid subscription to Dreamwidth! I was genuinely surprised about this, to the point that I didn't click the links in the email in the off chance that it was a scam. But low and behold, I now have slots for 150 icons and a bunch of other features. I'll need to see if/how I want to use all of said features, but I'm sure there are plenty of good things I can do with them. The subscription lasts until February, and I will probably re-up if I have a job by then. It's less about the features for me than supporting Dreamwidth itself. They're fighting the good fight against censorship and providing an alternative to Big Social, but they can only do that if they get enough revenue.

And don't worry - I'll make sure to pay that subscription forward and then some.

4) It looks like Bookcrossing may be taking off. I happened to go to the Go Hunting page on the site to see if I could find any books released near me, and I was surprised to see that the US was second only to Germany in the number of releases over the past three days. (We're usually third or fourth.) It was also cool to see that releases seem to be increasing among a broad range of states, as there are usually only a handful of states with recent releases at one time. That's no bad thing, in my opinion. Keep circulating the tapes books!

I wanted to do a bit more work on my community, but it's later than I'd hoped. There's always time tomorrow, I suppose.

blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
Big, big weekend. [personal profile] aseanchai and I attended our niece's birthday celebration, which involved a bouncy castle, a lot of food and many, many small children. It was fun, though I have to admit that the commotion was a bit draining. We're both introverts (or possibly ambiverts), so big groups are always a little hard to handle. Yesterday was a day split between chores and an impromptu family dinner with the theme, "Help Us Get Rid Of Some Of This Leftover Food From The Party." The dinner was followed by a short visit to my parents' vegetable garden, then a trip for ice cream. When they dropped us off, we learned that my brother's dog had wandered off. We helped him look for a bit before Doggo was found, safe and sound. It was well after dark by the time we got home, but it's good to spend time with family.

I've been giving more thought to the community I want to build here on Dreamwidth. I still have no idea what to call it - branding is important, as any ostensible marketer knows - but I do think I have a rules framework in place that should offer enough freedom for discussion while also providing guardrails. There are five rules, and I can't imagine I'll need more:
  • No bigotry: Resilience and rebuilding demands diverse perspectives, skill sets, knowledge bases and experiences. If we want to survive in the present and thrive in the future, we must learn to work together. This community will not abide racism, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia, ageism, ableism, classism, discrimination based on religious belief (or lack of such), or sexism. Engaging in this behavior will result in a ban.
  •  

  • Respectful dialogue and constructive criticism: It's okay to critique ideas, but it isn't okay to do so by insulting the poster or what they've posted. If you have criticism to offer, make sure it's constructive - pointing out potential reasons that an idea may not work while providing suggestions or asking questions in good faith. Discussion is how ideas improve, but respect for others is paramount.
  •  

  • Basic vetting: Misinformation is rampant online, especially with the rise of AI. Before posting an article or charity donation page, please do a quick search to look for additional sources that corroborate the original. Are other news outlets reporting that breaking news? Does this charity have a website (or social media presence) that shows their history and current projects? If you're struggling to answer those questions, it may be best not to post.
  •  

  • No individual fundraisers: Individual fundraisers can be more difficult to research, and unfortunately scammers have been known to take advantage of well-meaning people during or after disasters and tragedies. To protect our members from possible scams, this community will not allow posts for individual fundraisers. This is regrettable but necessary. We encourage you to consider working with [community profile] radiofreemonday for vetting and posting individual fundraisers.
  •  

  • No dooming: There is a lot going on in the world, and it's easy to feel hopeless. However, this community is focused on actions people can take to work toward something better. Posts or comments that encourage despair, hopelessness or nihilism will not be tolerated. If you are worried or fearful, it is okay to ask for feedback or help. It is not okay to say things like, "nothing matters," "this is pointless," or "it's not going to make any difference." We are here to share knowledge, help vulnerable communities, discuss solutions to problems and imagine a new and better world.

I think that should cover all of the bases, but I'm open to feedback. I've never run a community before, so suggestions are most welcome.

***

It's getting pretty late, but I don't want to wrap up without sharing the following great news: The first 100% effective HIV prevention drug is approved and going global. (More info via Gilead.) A year ago, [personal profile] aseanchai and I were marveling about the fact that HIV has gone from a death sentence to a chronic, but manageable disease in our lifetimes. This new drug offers even more protection than current methods, and its twice-yearly dosage via injection eliminates the need for pills and their associated inconveniences. Best of all, Gilead has, "sign[ed] royalty-free licensing agreements with six generic manufacturers to produce and supply it," according to the New Atlas article. That will get the drug to more people at a price point that is more accessible, which will absolutely save lives. I'm grateful for this news, given everything that's going on in the world right now. It shows that we can still keep moving forward.
blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
I tend not to talk about my health, wellness and weight loss efforts. Part of this is because I have my own issues and hangups about this topic, thanks to living through both 90s and 2000s diet culture. Part of this is because I know other people often do, and I don't want to inadvertently upset or trigger anyone by discussing what is often a fraught subject.

In saying that, I have a small victory that I would like to discuss and celebrate. I'll put it behind a cut so those that wish to skip it may do so.

Progress, Not Perfection )

That's the big news for the day. Now, off to relax a bit before bed.
blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
I've spent the past 24 hours or so marveling at how much better my Dreamwidth experience is compared to other social media sites. That isn't hyperbole or marketing hype - it's truly a calmer and more civilized experience. It's liberating to come to a space where you're not bombarded by ads or content farms reposting reposts of reposts of influencer content. What's especially nice is the (seeming) lack of bots and rage bait. I'm sure it happens - there will be bad actors in any sufficiently large group - but there's definitely seems to be more of a buffer than there is on Big Social. Or maybe the trolls come with prominence, I don't know.

While I certainly don't aspire to be Internet famous (or even Dreamwidth famous), I have been struggling to find people to connect with on this site. I remember it being easy way back in the LiveJournal days, when all of my college friends were on the site and community participation was especially robust. Sadly, most of them jumped to Facebook when it was new and never looked back, while life just changed for others and made social blogging less of a priority. I don't blame either group, but for me part of the joy of blogging is sharing ideas with others. I've tried joining and browsing communities, but it seems that there are a lot of them that are essentially dead - no one has posted in them for a year or more. If I'm going to start a community of my own, as I alluded to in my last entry, I'll need to find people who will join it. At least part of that audience may be made up of people who have friended me here, so it's easy to see the problem. I know about tags and how they can help people find your content, but that's only effective if there are people around to click them. I've been enthusing about Dreamwidth to friends in several Discord servers, so maybe they'll join us here. I don't plan to push the issue, though. No one likes a pest.

In addition to discussion, I would also like to expand my reach a bit so I can help get the word out about collective ways to make the world a bit better. There is an endless amount of doomerism on Big Social, as well as relatively new sites like Bluesky, but I don't see a ton of news about things people can do that will make a tangible difference to people and planet. One example is a small, local charity that operates in my area. They've recently put out a request for help with the Cloverleaf Colts Closet, a school resource that, "helps children in need of items at school and at home, from food items, clothing, hygiene products, and more," according to their Amazon Wishlist. The charity put out the call on Facebook because the Closet is desperate for items; while you don't technically need an account to see the post, the walled garden nature of the site makes it far less likely that non-users will be able to find the post. Facebook's endless scroll also leads to what I refer to as, "tears in rain" - the extremely high possibility that a post will be lost in a never-ending feed. However, a public post here on Dreamwidth would be easy to link to or even pin to the top of my feed, making it a bit more likely that it would be noticed. This visibility would make it easier for people to discuss the project, ask questions, coordinate with others, and (hopefully) find ways to help. I know that action helps me fight back against the crushing depression and existential dread we're all facing these days, and I can only assume I'm not the only one.

I'll do some more digging and exploring of the site to see what I can discover. Hopefully I can find my people and get rolling on that community soon.
blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
Where last we left, I was dealing with being laid off and the uncertainty that comes from job loss. I'm still jobless, but I'm surprisingly unbothered by it. Perhaps not unbothered, but surprisingly Zen. I know that this condition can't last indefinitely; money is important, and unemployment won't last forever. But unlike the last time I was laid off from a job I adored, I no longer feel the crushing pressure to find something, anything that will bring in cash. (Not yet, anyway.) My main frustration at the moment is that I can't freelance. I am at a point in my life and career that I'll no longer work for exposure - are publishers still running that scam? - but I can't bring in any sort of income while I'm receiving unemployment. I did that years ago, assuming that the fine folks at the unemployment office would understand that the occasional $50 check for a small newspaper article did not a job make. I learned my lesson on that one, which is why I now spend a good amount of time being frustrated that I can't rebuild my portfolio. 

So, what to do in the meantime? I've been trying to figure that out. [personal profile] aseanchai have joined our local chapter of the Izaak Walton League, so I can at least put my marketing skills to work there. They need help boosting the local chapter, handling their social media accounts and publicizing their events. I'm excited about helping with that, especially since I believe strongly in the mission of the League. I learned recently that younger people are showing less interest (and a disconnect) in nature words, which most likely signals an overall disconnect with the natural world. That's something that worries me in an era of habitat loss, climate change, and mental health crises like anxiety and depression. Getting people out in nature can help with all three of those issues, so I want to do my part. 

In addition to that, I've also rekindled my love for reading thanks to Bookcrossing. I managed to start a new Official Bookcrossing Zone in my area; my plan is to visit it once a month to refresh and restock the available titles. This doesn't lend itself to inclusion on a resume, but I do hope it helps inspire people and give them some respite from The Horrors, for there are many.

In addition to escaping into books, I've also started a daily meditation practice to help with stress. I discovered Natural Stress Relief while researching Transcendental Meditation; I became interested in the latter after watching a David Lynch documentary about the subject on YouTube. I'd heard mixed things about TM - everything from concerns about the cost to allegations of cult-like practices - but I was mainly concerned that the cost and my location would lead to serious barriers to entry. Natural Stress Relief was apparently created/founded by a former TM teacher, and I seem to be having some good results with the practice overall. It's a shame that the website looks as shady as it does, because it is legitimate even though it looks like something from 1998. Don't judge a book by its cover and all that.

***

I'm currently watching a YouTube video about jailbreaking your Kindle. YouTube has started serving up some interesting videos recently, including content about the indie web and "analog toolkits for digital addicts." (I haven't watched the latter one yet.) I'll admit that I'm tempted to try my hand at building a website, since it would be yet another thing to add to my resume. Coding intimidates the hell out of me, I must admit, but so did crochet when I first started.

***

One thing I wish I could do at the moment is either join or create a community here on Dreamwidth where people could share information on resiliency as we face whatever it is that comes next. I tried putting together a Discord community for such a purpose, but it went effectively silent after a while. I eventually shut it down to avoid bots or hackers getting to it, but I can't help but feel that there is and will be a need for such a thing. If any of you know of such a group, please tell me. And if you think it would be useful to get one started, let me know.


blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
I lost my job on March 12. This was met with a lot of mixed feelings - while I'm obviously not thrilled about the loss of income, my previous position did cause a lot of stress. It's been nice to be free of that, though I am very worried about my prospects given the constant barrage of dire economic news and portents. I lost my previous position in part because of tariffs. I can't imagine there will be any sector of the economy I can flee to to avoid them.

My plan is to use this mandated "free time" to do some upskilling, though I have no idea where I should start. I have no desire to learn about AI, as I have no desire to support that technology if I can at all avoid it. (I know there are exceptions - AI seems to be useful for some medical applications - but generative AI is odious, and I did not spend decades in journalism and marketing to become a prompt writer.) I'm guessing that my best bet is to look for free online courses for paid media, graphics software, and so on. I already have a little experience with Canva and Adobe Express, though I would like to improve with both. And I suppose I should add those to my LinkedIn profile as well.

I'd also like to spend some time working on creative hobbies like writing, crochet and loom knitting. (I may also teach myself to knit with needles, or try my hand at making jewelry from broken bits as advocated for by Mallory Heart.) Part of this is to keep from doomscrolling or wasting too much time on Dwarf Fortress and Baldur's Gate 3, but part of it is also in hopes that I could bring in a bit of cash from time to time. I don't want these things to turn into side hustles - I want this to be relaxing and joyful, not exhausting and soul-draining - but it would be nice to get a little something from these projects besides the time honored Satisfaction For A Job Well Done. My main issue is figuring out how to sell the stuff in the first place. I don't want to get into the grind of creating an Etsy store, especially since that's become the land of mass produced crap. I'm also keenly aware that the IRS doesn't look kindly on "hobbyists" who make above the $400 annual threshold they use to determine hobbyists from business owners. If anyone has any ideas for how to make the occasional sale without begging family members or incurring the wrath of the tax man, I'm all ears.

I'm open to advice on any of the above, actually. I'm used to starting over - this is not my first layoff rodeo - and yet this time it feels different. I don't know why. Maybe because the future seems so very unwritten these days.

Completed books: Possum Living - Dolly Freed; Ghosthunting Ohio: On The Road Again - John B. Kachuba
Currently reading: The Splendid And The Vile - Erik Larson

blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
How often do I think about Ancient Rome? Not very.

I do think about Dark Ages Britain, though. I think about it a lot. Especially recently.

The story goes that in 410, the Emperor Honorius wrote to the British Romans, telling them to, "look to their own defense." An actual letter may never have existed, and a formal declaration may not have been said, but the fact remains that Rome could no longer provide defensive resources to a far flung island at the edge of the empire that necessitated an ocean crossing to reach. Troops were needed closer to home, and the Empire could no longer afford to defend all of its citizens or maintain their infrastructure for them. The Church remained, true. But even the Catholic Church couldn't field armies or build roads. (Not yet, anyway.) The people were, for all practical purposes, on their own.

This wasn't an abrupt change. Thousands of Romano-British citizens didn't wake up one day to someone knocking on their door, saying, "Look, we've got to go. The money's run out, you see. Shame we can't help with the upkeep, but you know how it is. Take care of things while we're gone, eh?" This was a slow process, an inexorable ebbing of a tide that was probably imperceptible until it wasn't. People being people, I imagine that there were a lot of conversation and debate about what was going on or even how it couldn't possibly be happening.

"Rome would never abandon us! Their power stretches from Hispania to Palmyra! Their wealth and power are unlimited!"

But there had to be others who saw the writing on the wall and knew that denial, appeals to precedent or paralyzing indecision would not stop the inevitable. We know this because The Dark Ages exist. We have archeological evidence that people continued to survive and maintained a certain degree of order, culture, and stability despite being abandoned by their former overlords. True, we don't know a ton about The Dark Ages, but we know that the island that is Britain didn't suddenly depopulate once Rome left. There was plenty of conflict as warlords fought over petty kingdoms, but at least some of the common people thought ahead, imagining the worst possible scenarios and working backwards from there to prepare themselves for as many scenarios as possible. They managed to function despite the fact that they were very much On Their Own™.

I've been thinking about that a lot. Being On Our Own™.

Whatever is coming, we know it's going to be bad. (This essay sums up my feelings on the matter, so I won't waste time rehashing things.) Granted, we have the benefit of knowing it's going to be bad — there will be no naive appeals to optimism and better angels this time around — but the scale of badness has yet to be determined. I'm neither a political theorist nor a particularly good prognosticator, but I do feel more secure when I look at a situation, carry it to it's most pessimistic extreme, and then assume that's the situation I'll be facing in the future. I started doing this when I was caught completely flat-footed by the Great Recession and watched a career I loved and the independence I craved disappear in a matter of 72 hours. (There are few things more humiliating than being forced to move back home to a family that says, "We told you so," at every available opportunity, but I digress.) The approach has served me well. After all, you can always pull back if things aren't as dire as you thought they'd be. But if you're not at least psychologically prepared for the worst to come to pass, well...

So, the Worst Case. The Worst Case will vary depending on where you live and what your circumstances are, but generally speaking, I'm guessing it would probably be a wholesale disinvestment in institutions that many of us take for granted. One of the rallying cries I've seen bandied about by the Very Online Left is that, "We keep us safe." In the interest of gaming out the Worst Case, I will take their slogan at face value. The Worst Case is existing in a sociopolitical structure that is actively hostile to life for all except an upper echelon of Keys To Power. This will be exacerbated by a segment of the populace that would gleefully hunt "inferiors" for sport if they could get away with it. We're already seeing whole scale hostility toward virtues like empathy, kindness and humility, driven by the dopamine rush of rapid fire social media and the pervasiveness of influencer grifters that push their followers to be crueler, pettier, more vapid, more obsessed with material possessions and subscriptions to services to Anxiety Engines and animated emojis.

We must keep us safe. Also healthy, educated, clothed, housed, sane, and happy.

I became something of a Sparkling Disaster sommelier back during the Great Recession, mostly because I had to be. My Worst Case Scenario then was the very real possibility that I would have to support [personal profile] aseanchai , if I was lucky enough to marry him at all due to the twin barriers of money and bureaucracy. There was talk at that time that this Great Recession would continue to metastasize into something far worse, and that we'd have to lean on the lessons of our elders to ride out an economy that would make the Great Depression look like a period of relative prosperity. People coped with it in different ways, though mine was to look at examples of self-sufficiency and drop-out culture to see what I could make of it. I bought books and magazines about off-grid living and homesteading. I taught myself to cook and preserve. I read the excellent Possum Living cover to cover multiple times, asking what lessons I could take from it immediately and which I could work toward long term. I spoke to people I trusted about the need to prepare for this future, this time when we would have to rely on ourselves rather than steady paychecks or pension plans. No one wanted to hear it, so I kept my newfound interests and theories to myself. Eventually the storm passed, but I emerged slightly more prepared for the next time we'd be left On Our Own™.

I'm not an expert in survivalism or backwoods living. I'm keenly aware that I am not as prepared as I'd like to be for the upcoming Worst Case Scenario, for the Sparkling Disaster that will likely come to pass. But I am slightly more prepared than I was the last time those in power apologized for the inconvenience and quietly left us to our own devices. It's a continuing ebb in my neck of the woods, this semi-rural Rust Belt enclave where I consider myself lucky that my Worst Case Scenarios come as the occasional rogue wave, rather than a multi-generational drowning flood. I have family and resources, but it pays to be ready. Life can change in an instant. I've seen that happen.

Whatever is coming is uniquely bad, and the only thing we will each be able to control is our reaction to it. We must ask ourselves what we're doing to stay as healthy as possible, how we plan to care for our families and communities, and what skills we're suited for that can become sources of income or barter if the bottom falls out of it all. We need to be prepared to take on roles in a game that we may not be keen to play, but that we must engage in regardless. We must be ready to stay alive and keep others alive, as well as cared for in all the ways that matter. We must be ready for Rome to retreat into dysfunction, and to keep flourishing if another Dark Age descends upon us. Most of all, we must be ready and willing to build something better, even if it can only be a better version of ourselves. That may mean finding common cause with people you disagree with, or with organizations that don't reflect your beliefs. As long as those organizations aren't in the business of actively harming the vulnerable, so be it. We can no longer be in the business of purity tests and hot takes and dunking and ideological righteousness. We must now be in the business of preserving life in all its forms, human and beyond.

We will very soon be On Our Own™. But we can be together in our abandonment. And we can build something better in its wake.
blue_green_dream: A full moon with bare tree branches in the foreground (Moon in the Trees)
I have a post going viral on Bluesky, and it's weirding me out. I found the article via the Vote Dem community on Reddit and posted it with a short comment on my Bluesky account. It was about Russian disinfo agents/bots migrating to Bluesky, and I posted it thinking that it'd be seen by a few friends. Now it's been reposted thousands of times. I'm glad that people find the post useful, but I wasn't prepared for this much attention. Hopefully it'll die down soon so I can go back to my normal (read: boring) existence on the platform. I suppose the upside is that I'm going viral for something good, rather than something silly I said, or my words being taken out of context. Ah, the perils of microblogging...

My goal of finding balance in 2025 is already being tested a bit. A friend of mine is going through a rough time mentally and has been since November. The thing is, most of their problems are due to systemic issues. I've been helping out when I can, but the fact that I can't do more is deeply frustrating. I want to do more. My brain goes into overdrive when my friends or family are hurting; I try to figure out ways of bringing in more money or canceling plans so I can dedicate more time to help them. But I did that too often last year, and it left me in a state of exhaustion and burnout. I can't spend this year doing more of the same.

And yet, the need goes beyond one friend, one group, one life. With everything going on in the world, it can feel like I'm getting pulled in hundreds of directions. Who do I attend to first? What do I do? Who do I help, and in what order?

I feel that right now, the answer for me is to focus on my community primarily - family, friends, neighbors. My aunt has co-founded a food pantry and free cafe in a town near her, and she sent out an Amazon Wish List via our family chat today. I've been spreading the link around - you can find it here - and I'll probably purchase something from it before the week is out. Maybe next week I'll donate something toward helping families who were displaced and rendered homeless by the Los Angeles wildfires. And I'll keep checking in with friends.

Not sure where I am in that scenario, but that's all part of the learning process.

I hope I have enough faith to let go once I've done what I can.

In the meantime, I'll stay here under a warm blanket and watch the snow come down.

blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
I used to do New Year's Resolutions, but I don't anymore. I've found that Yearly Themes work better for me. This year's theme is Taking Care - taking care of my friends and family, taking care of myself. I'll need to do so in the weeks, months, and years ahead. I spent 2016 to 2020 in a state of constant panic, then spent 2020 to 2024 trying to figure out how to crawl out of the cycle of panic attacks, exhaustion, overwork, burnout, rinse/repeat. While I have some ideas of what lies in store in the four years ahead, I have learned that I can't panic at every headline and try to put out every fire. I drove myself to some dark places last time around, and the physical toll was starting to wear on me toward the end. I need to figure out how to find balance. Most of all, I need to learn how to take care of myself. It's not a skill that comes easily, nor was it a skill taught to me when I was young.

I'm going to try to write here more often, though I'm not going to put pressure on myself to write long, pithy essays or witty aphorisms. I'm just going to get some thoughts down and (maybe) make some like-minded friends. Maybe some of them will even be local to me so we could potentially meet in person. What a concept!

Projects: I'm almost done with my third (or maybe fourth?) scarf for donation. I was originally going to give them to Canton Food Not Bombs, but I have no idea if I can get down to one of their drop-off points. I'm hoping that someone at Akron Food Not Bombs could get them down there for me. Of course, this will necessitate a meeting or driving to another drop-off point, since I don't yet have any direct contacts with them. Sometimes living semi-rural sucks.

Incidentally, Akron Food Not Bombs is holding a benefit concert on February 15. You may want to check it out if you're in the area.

Esotericism: I'm trying to learn tarot, partially as a psychological/philosophical exercise, and partially so I can get better at understanding symbolism and how it relates to me and my subconscious. I keep pulling The Emperor. I also keep pulling The Wolf from my Druid Animal Oracle cards. I cannot for the life of me figure out what it's supposed to mean. It could be coincidence, but it'd be an odd one with the amount of times it's happened.

Hopes:
I'll be traveling a lot for work this year (same as last year), but I'm hoping [personal profile] aseanchai and I can get away and enjoy ourselves too. A trip to the mountains could be nice, though I'm not sure where we'll end up.

People are fleeing Big Social for places like Bluesky. I'm hoping more people come here. It'd be great to rebuild some of the community I had on LiveJournal back in the day. At the risk of sounding like a cantankerous old person, social blogging was way better than Facebook and Twitter ever were.

Frustrations[personal profile] aseanchai and I have started working with a personal trainer. It includes a diet plan. We're only a week in, but my brain is already rebelling, getting resentful of the fact that in order for this to work, I'll have to give up a ton of stuff I enjoy, including a certain degree of spontaneity and more than a few comfort foods. I know I need to trust the process. It's just infuriating.

There's a trend on Bluesky of people replacing doomscrolling with crafting and other hobbies. I need to curb my own tendency to doomscroll, so hopefully you'll see more of me on here. It seems to help.

Current book: As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of the Princess Bride
blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
I wish I had more of a coherent narrative tonight, but last week was a jumble from which I haven't fully recovered. As such, it's time for a bunch of random thoughts.

On work, music, creativity and other things )Right, that about covers it. Now it's time to buy some new shoes.

blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Morgan Le Fay Color)
First, the 2024 Activism Report.
  • [personal profile] aseanchai and I have written 20 voter registration postcards with Field Team 6 this week. That's 20 postcards so far this year.
  • I've made four scarves to donate so far this year. Three are packed and ready to be sent to East Kentucky Mutual Aid. The fourth will be donated to either Re-Member or Knit the Rainbow.


Of communities, goals and gym memberships )
blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
When I originally made this journal, I decided to port over a bunch of old entries from my LiveJournal days. I thought it would be a fun trip down memory lane, but instead I've been struck by how it's made me reluctant to blog instead.

My first LJ entry is from decades ago, literally. I've changed a lot as a person since then, and while I'm not particularly embarrassed by who I was at the time, I find myself feeling a bit dragged down by those old entries. I'm a new person now. I have new goals, new outlooks, new friends, and new interests. A lot of the old stuff doesn't feel like it fits anymore.

As Marie Kondo would have said, a lot of these entries no longer spark joy.

I'm going to be going through and deleting my LJ entries. I don't think that will effect anyone here, save for [personal profile] aseanchai , but he's already aware and has encouraged me to do this if it makes me feel better. And I think it will.

Just the thought of purging old content is making me excited to write here again.

blue_green_dream: A color painting of Morgan le Fay by Dora Curtis (Default)
I am involved in numerous TTRPGs, and all of them are on temporary hiatus because people are on vacation. How am I supposed to cope with this? 

The August Special Election in Ohio is bearing down on us, and for once I'm heartened by what I've seen. We're usually ignored by national voting organizations, but that hasn't been the case this time around. Field Team 6, Blue Wave Postcard Movement and Vote Forward have all run voter registration and GOTV campaigns in preparation for this moment. I have already done work for the first two; I plan to continue my work with BWPM for their Phase 2 program (GOTV postcards) and also do as many Vote Forward letters as possible. This election is vital - if Issue 1 passes, it will permanently eliminate our ability to amend the Ohio constitution with a simple majority. I'm not fond of minority rule, and neither is [personal profile] aseanchai . This will be his first election as an American citizen. He is very excited to make his voice heard.

I've been involved in "postal activism" since early 2017. Writing letters and postcards to voters is perfect for me - I can do it on my own schedule, and it's a great option if you're introverted like I am. I've found a bunch of opportunities via the Reddit community VoteDEM, which is a great place to learn more about candidates and volunteer opportunities. The general vibe of the place reminds me a bit of some of the old LiveJournal communities that were dedicated to political discourse. I had hoped to find similar communities here on Dreamwidth, but unfortunately the political communities I've come across here seem to have been abandoned. I don't really have the time to moderate a community on my own, though I wish I did. There are undoubtedly people on this site who know what's at stake. If even a handful of them got involved in volunteer efforts, it could make a huge difference.

In other news, [personal profile] aseanchai and I need a new couch. Our current one isn't doing us any favors. [personal profile] aseanchai is going to take a look at ways that we can save money toward that goal; while we're doing fine money-wise, we also don't want to dip into our savings if we can avoid it. I guess this means that I'll need to come up with more one page RPG ideas for our Itch page and learn how to use RPG Maker MV. It's easier to save if you have some extra cash coming in.



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